I should be sponsored by Trojan
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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