The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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