As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
