I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
