dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
