It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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