def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
