I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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