Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
