I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
