Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
