Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
