so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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