regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
