Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
