I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
