Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
