I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
