There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Of course I have a pirate flag
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
