You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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