Pappa wants mamma naked
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
