You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
