She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
