sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he shaved USA in his pubs
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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