I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
