I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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