I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
