is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just cropdusted the office
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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