if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
