I will die if light touches me.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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