The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize