first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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