Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
