I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
