The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
