Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
