Girls should come with a carfax report
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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