dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
