FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
