i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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