What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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