ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize