just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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