THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
