The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
