The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want to be your penis for a week.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize