i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
