i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
