when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
