whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
