ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
