Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
