So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
