The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize