Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
