im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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