I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
