I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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