if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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