is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
