There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
