what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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