He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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