I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
