It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
