this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize