So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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