she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am available for nakedness
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
