You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
