Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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