He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
