i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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