I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Come on in and take your pants off
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